Friday, September 25, 2009

-4.4....that's the magic number.

Yep. Down 4.4 pounds!! This is so awesome. Way to go Team ME!!!

Weigh in WEEK 1!

In just a little bit, I will go to the weight watchers meeting room and be weighed in for the first week. I am confident I have lost something, but I fear it will be less than a pound. However, I tell and retell myself that anything lost is a victory.

This week I was very good at staying IN TUNE with my mind and body, noticing when I was hungry, noticing when I just wanted to eat out of boredom, and discovering that if I wait too long for dinner, and then get real hungry, that is when I can become a bingeing monster.

I did good this week with "staying on the plan". I was tempted by all the goodies that are ALWAYS at my the candy bowl in our office managers office that ALWAYS has chocolate bars for the taking. I managed to stay away from all the yummy pastries brought in by drug reps, all the frozen yogurt in the freezer...all of it. I am proud that I could do that.

In a few hours, I will see how much closer I am to my goal weight. :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Team *Finally*...

Team Finally....What does that mean, you might wonder. Well, I'll tell you. Where I work, they have decided to do a "Biggest Loser" sort of competition. It was suggested we be in teams of two...but I am going to be a team alone...and I'm naming my team, Team Finally. Finally, because I want this to FINALLY be the time I actually change. The time I finally start caring about myself, my weight, my happiness, my appearance...again.

To tell you a bit about my "weight" self. I weigh about 120 pounds MORE than I did when I got married. I am disgusted by myself. I can't look in a mirror. I see a person I don't like, somebody I find very ugly and disgusting looking. I am the monster I always feared I would become. I am the fattest person I know.

It's such an ironic place for me to be...overweight. It's just, not who I should be.

I feel like, people see me, this overweight gal. But I know they don't see Me! I don't even see me! I have a story. My life is a book, and I have been stuck in a long, bad chapter for sometime now...and I am FINALLY ready to turn the page. Otherwise, this book is doomed to a terrible ending.

My life has been one long food addiction after another. It started when I was 15. Anorexia nearly took my life. That is the ironic part. In that chapter, my parents spent so much money on hospitals and doctors to FORCE me to gain weight. ha! If only they could have looked into the future. And now, in this chapter, I feel like I need intervention to force me to lose weight.

But....tomorrow my FINALLY begins. This chapter will undoubtedly be filled with ups and downs and sorrow and joy. But, I want to move forward...not just OUT.