Sunday, January 11, 2009

Team *Finally*...

Team Finally....What does that mean, you might wonder. Well, I'll tell you. Where I work, they have decided to do a "Biggest Loser" sort of competition. It was suggested we be in teams of two...but I am going to be a team alone...and I'm naming my team, Team Finally. Finally, because I want this to FINALLY be the time I actually change. The time I finally start caring about myself, my weight, my happiness, my appearance...again.

To tell you a bit about my "weight" self. I weigh about 120 pounds MORE than I did when I got married. I am disgusted by myself. I can't look in a mirror. I see a person I don't like, somebody I find very ugly and disgusting looking. I am the monster I always feared I would become. I am the fattest person I know.

It's such an ironic place for me to be...overweight. It's just, not who I should be.

I feel like, people see me, this overweight gal. But I know they don't see Me! I don't even see me! I have a story. My life is a book, and I have been stuck in a long, bad chapter for sometime now...and I am FINALLY ready to turn the page. Otherwise, this book is doomed to a terrible ending.

My life has been one long food addiction after another. It started when I was 15. Anorexia nearly took my life. That is the ironic part. In that chapter, my parents spent so much money on hospitals and doctors to FORCE me to gain weight. ha! If only they could have looked into the future. And now, in this chapter, I feel like I need intervention to force me to lose weight.

But....tomorrow my FINALLY begins. This chapter will undoubtedly be filled with ups and downs and sorrow and joy. But, I want to move forward...not just OUT.

1 comment:

  1. can't wait to share in this journey with you. food/eating/self image have always been themes in my life...and not good ones. love you, and although you don't feel it right now, you are beautiful inside and out!